Yeah,
I used to be a hater.
It
must have had to do with some authoritarian woman teacher in my past…but
however I got there, I HATED women with a passion. (Strange, since I AM one, I know.) I couldn’t stand the ways women would manipulate others to
get what they wanted. I detested
when girls would “play dumb” to attract male attention. And I absolutely abhorred large
gatherings of women. All the
cackling and clique-iness happening under the billowing clouds of estrogen made
me sick to my stomach.
Funny
how so many other women I know have expressed similar feelings to my own. What makes us hate our sisters so
much? It doesn’t really make
sense, until you see what is behind the hatred. Most women walking the planet right now have been hurt very
badly by another woman. Our
mothers, our sisters, our teachers, pastors and friends have hurt us. So most of us have resolved to avoid being
hurt again…and have built up fortresses around our hearts. “You shall not pass!” has been our
standard response to any woman who dared knock at the castle gate.
I
lived quite happily alone in my castle for a long time, just me and Jesus. I didn’t need sisterhood. I would smile and wave civilly from my
window high above the masses, but never considered for a moment that I would
ever let someone in. Just me and
Jesus. Jesus and me. I loved Jesus very much. He was my everything and I was so
satisfied with Him.
Well,
somehow I found myself roped into playing guitar and leading worship for a
small group of women from our church.
I loved worship and being in the flow of God’s presence, so I agreed to
come to the group every week and “be a member” if it would allow me to lead in
worship. I thought I would go in
and keep to myself, tolerate all the dumb woman-y stuff and just enjoy the
worship part. Week after week went
by, and I began to soften a bit as I got to know the ladies in the group. Some of them were very funny! Some were deep in their walk with
God. But the thing that totally
blind-sided me was the book Captivating by John & Stasi
Eldredge. Our group was reading
and discussing that book over the course of a semester, and I was kind of
enjoying it. It had some neat
points and good stories. But one
day as I sat and read chapter 5, I felt tears roll down my cheeks and a fury
rise up in my bones. For the first
time, I realized that it is Satan who hates women so much. He has assaulted women since the dawn
of time because they bear the beauty of God and because they give life. That revelation rocked me to my
core. I felt the flip of a switch
inside my heart and then everything
changed.
Years
before, my husband had a vision of me standing in front of thousands of women,
ministering to them. I actually
laughed when he told me! I could
not imagine myself ever doing such a thing—I hated women, especially in large
groups! I dismissed his “prophetic
vision” like it was no big deal.
Fast
forward to the tears and fury moment of realization…and see me running down
flights of stairs in my heart-castle.
I ran to my front gate, unbarred the door and flung it wide open. My Jesus, who I loved so dearly, had
finally gotten through to me: my
hatred of women had only aligned my heart with Satan’s agenda! I wanted no part of that anymore! At that moment, I resolved to be a
lover of women, to shelter them from the assault on their lives and to stand
with my sword drawn to defend them.
I pledged my life to storm into the darkness and bring as many women
into the Light as I possibly could for the rest of my days.
I
had to learn how to have real relationships with women again. Since I had shut them out for so long,
it was a little awkward at first.
But the more I surrendered myself to the Holy Spirit, the easier it
became. It was really just His
love for women that I needed. As I
took baby steps in allowing women into my life and experiencing friendship, I
began to notice strong, powerful women leaders. In fact, there was one in particular who taught me how to
love women in a way that could heal them.
I was entranced by the way she gave such grace and raised up the other
women around her. She was not
self-seeking or prideful. She
genuinely loved other women and saw the best in them. She loved me that way and called out giftings and destiny in
me, and I have been eternally altered by her impact on my life.
Think
you don’t need mothering?
Sisterhood?
Friendships? You could
probably make it through life without those if you tried. But your life can be so full when you
open yourself up to them. Do you
hate women because of something a woman has done to you in the past? The enemy wants you to stay hurt and
angry about it. He wants you to
stay barred in your castle and never come into meaningful contact with another
woman as long as you live. He
wants to destroy you. The castle
you constructed for protection is really just a prison. You’ll never see the fullness and
vibrancy of the life God intends for you if you don’t open the door and go
outside.
You
don’t have to stay wounded, you know.
God can come in right now and heal that painful spot in your heart.
Remember
that vision my husband told me about?
The one I laughed at? Well,
since the storming of my own castle, I have actually begun stepping into that
vision. Satan wanted to keep me
tucked neatly away, while God intended from the beginning that I speak into the
lives of thousands of women. You
just never know what may be around the corner! Don’t let the wounds from your past keep you from living out
God’s amazing dreams for you!
We, as women, need you. You are valuable.
You are precious. You are
one-of-a-kind. Is that a knock at your castle door?
* * * * *
*The strong, loving woman I mentioned before has actually
just written a book, and you need it.
It is available beginning April 15 at
amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and
on iBooks (iTunes).
Get to know my
dear friend and pastor,
Jan Greenwood in her debut as an author:
Women at War. She will guide you down the path to healthy,
meaningful, life-giving relationships with other women.
**Want to experience healing in your heart in a large
group setting?
Gateway Church’s
Pink Impact conference for women is coming up!
You can still register for Conference A that begins on April
15!!!
www.pinkimpact.com
