I'm sure to some of you this might sound appealing...but, it's not what you think...
Several years ago, there was a chick-flick out called "How to Lose A Guy In 10 Days" that had Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey in it. Cute, funny and ridiculous, but good for a girly laugh. Well, when you're young and single, playing around with love can be kind of a game, if you're not careful. Then, you find the man who sweeps you off your feet (or not) and you get married. Here you are, in wedded bliss, when all of a sudden, he does something that irks you to high heaven. You discover, slowly, that this man annoys you with his every waking breath! What happened to the fun, attractive guy you fell for?
Honey, life sets in. You each start thinking more about yourselves than you do the other...and that never adds up to a good relationship. The movie "How to Lose a Guy..." showed all the crazy ways Kate Hudson would irk Matthew McConaughey...but in reality, it only takes one repeated thing to push your husband away from you: dishonor. Women don't really get the honor/respect thing and why husbands need it. But it doesn't even matter if you understand it - your husband needs it to survive! God wired men with a primary, driving need for honor/respect, just like He wired you with a primary, driving need for love/security. What wife in her right mind would want to deprive her husband of the solution to his most basic need? Would you stop feeding him or cut off his water supply? (Some of you might have just answered "yes" and we'll talk about that topic another day...)
So many times we wives express DIShonor to our husbands in the way we say something. You can even be saying something true and necessary, but if you say it in the wrong tone, your husband hears, "I think you are worthless. You disgust me." You can convey dishonor by your body language, your tone, your facial expressions...it's something we just don't normally have on our radars! But, it's time to start paying attention, girls.
I assume that you do NOT want to lose your husband in 10 days... And if that's the case, then I challenge you - I double-dog dare you - to start evaluating how your words, tone and body language come across to your husband. Do you say things that let him know how much you value and appreciate him? Do you praise him to his face? Do you brag about him in front of others? If not, then start. Even if you feel like your husband is not deserving of respect or honor, find something to honor him for. He's still with you...he takes out the trash...he loves his children...SOMETHING! Conveying honor and respect for your husband breathes LIFE into him as a man. And when a man feels honored by his wife, he responds in love - the very thing you dream of.
It's so wonderful that we can rely on the Holy Spirit's power in us to make it through life! Some days, it's all I can do to muster up any kind words at all. But, with the power of the Holy Spirit inside me, I can take my sour attitude and trade it in for a sweet, fun demeanor in a mili-second. If you're struggling with showing honor for your husband - or even if you're struggling just to like him very much anymore - pray this with me:
Lord, I thank You for the man You brought into my life to be my husband. I know that he is not a perfect man and I am not a perfect woman. I confess my extreme need for You, Lord, in my marriage. I offer my marriage back to You and ask You to call the shots. Put love in my heart for my husband. Put honor and respect in my heart for my husband. Help me to speak honor to him so that he can feel fulfilled in our home. Show me the moments and give me the words, Lord. Speak through me and help me be the wife my husband needs. And, as I surrender to Your ways, Lord, I pray that You would heal the wounds in my heart and heal the wounds in our marriage. Thank You that nothing is too hard for You, God. I trust You! In Jesus' name, Amen.
Here are some resources that have tremendously helped me in my own marriage:
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggrichs
Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans
I pray blessings over your marriage right now - let the Holy Spirit teach you how to be the wife your husband needs and that God has always intended for you to be!