Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Hear from one of my favorites...

Hey, friends!  One of my favorite teachers is on Destiny in Bloom this week talking about depression.  I experienced two major bouts with depression in my life, and I know that most women (and lots of men, too) are dealing with it right now.  Please hop over and read his posts this week!  You don't have to stay where you are - there is a way out of the choke-hold!

Depression: Part 1 on Destiny In Bloom

Monday, September 17, 2012

I Stay Amazed

This picture was taken last night.  A GORGEOUS double rainbow over my church, Gateway Church in Southlake, TX.  God was showing off...

Last night, my family decided to attend Gateway's Habitation service - a once-a-month Sunday night gathering where we spend extended time in worship, express our love and praise to God in freedom, and hear powerful, activating teaching from the Word.  We have been to several of these services and have loved all of them.  We always walk away recharged and with a fresh revelation of God's presence in our lives.

But last night was CRAZY!  We had the usual, amazing time of worship and music; we could have been done after that first 30+ minutes because we were so satisfied with His presence!  But, OHMYGOODNESS, we were just getting started.  The elder who was teaching had a couple of short points about love/giving, and then he announced, "God is throwing a surprise party tonight!"

He went on to explain that God throws parties a little differently than we do:  He seeks out the people with needs and blesses them.  He lavishes His love on them with no thought of repayment on their part.  He gives because He loves.

Luke 14:12-14

So, he told us, "Tonight, the Body (of Christ) is going to bless the Body."  He asked us to pray and hear God whether tonight we were to receive, or we had something to give.  All 2500 of us prayed.  The room was electrified.  He asked those in the room who had a need greater than $2000 to stand up, so I looked over at Tim...he looked at me with raised eyebrows, and we hooked arms and stood up.  The lead pastor then explained what was about to happen.  The other elders and some deacons were down at the front with baskets full of money, and another basket by their feet for people to give money.  He told us who were standing to come get in lines and share our need with the elders and deacons, and they would trust the Holy Spirit to lead them in how best to meet that need:  fully, over and above, partially, etc.   Tim and I got in line with many, many others and waited.  But, before we ever moved one step forward to tell our story, we were bombarded with people who put cash and checks in our hands.  Some we knew very well, others were only acquaintances.  It didn't matter.  We were experiencing the Acts Church.  As we stood in the line, we added up $995 that people had put in our hands!

None of those people had any idea what we needed...but they gave out of their hearts to bless us.  What they didn't know is that we have needed a replacement car for Tim for a very, very long time.  He has been driving the Little Honda That Could....but it just can't anymore.  It's coming up on 300,000 miles, and among other issues, has been wrecked multiple times, overheats if you look at it wrong, guzzles about 4 quarts of oil a week...and most recently, will not pass inspection without significant, costly repairs.  So, my daughter and I have been conspiring in prayer about it.  I have been filling up the bowls in heaven with my request for God to provide a car for Tim...and Claire has been joining me in that prayer when I put her in bed at night.  We have been thinking about how to get enough money together to buy a $1500-$2500 car that could just get us through.  And when Steve Dulin started talking about loving/giving/blessing, I felt the Lord confirm in my gut that we would be walking out that night with the car issue covered.

We stood in line crying, completely overwhelmed at what was happening.  Then our sweet friends--who were actually sitting next to us in the service--came and found us in line.  The wife told us that they really wanted to give, but hadn't come with money or checkbook...  They asked us what we needed, so we told them about the car situation and showed them the wad of cash that was a huge chunk of provision.  Her husband said, "Well, we would like to add _____ thousand dollars to that."  I truly did not hear what he said, and I was still totally overwhelmed, so I asked, "WHATTTT DID YOU SAY????"  He chuckled and said, "Two thousand dollars."

I think the tears came shooting out of my eyes in horizontal streams.  We were crying and snotting and laughing...still in the line.  It was a crazy, surreal, precious, humbling, wonderful night.  We hugged them and thanked them and blessed them....and then said, "I guess we can leave the line and go sit down now!"

We didn't even make it halfway to the front of the line to the elders, but God met us in line where we were.  He hugged us, brushed our faces with His hands and answered our prayers.  We are in awe!!!


Cool thing?  This isn't the first time, and it probably won't be the last.  God has come through for us time and time again!  We have been in some difficult financial situations over the past 11 years of our marriage, and God has made a way through the fire every time.  We have learned so much about surrendering "our" money to God - it's all His anyway - and letting Him lead us and show us how to use it.

The widow of Zarephath needed oil and meal to feed herself and her son, and God miraculously provided an unending supply in her jars.  For some reason, we need help with cars.  And God has provided for us every time.  My parents loaned us one of their cars for 10 months, dear friends of ours donated a car to us once, other friends have come to help Tim repair a previous vehicle and bring it back to life.  And we have seen Him provide in other crazy ways, too!  One time I received a FedEx envelope that had $3000 cash in it from an anonymous donor.  WHAT?!  That money covered our missed mortgage payments and stopped foreclosure proceedings!  Another time, a friend wanted to bless us with some furniture when we moved into our first home.  Still another time, Tim was out of work, and my grandmother "just happened" to receive an extra large check from an oil holding that had not produced that much in ages.  She gave it all to us - and it covered our bills!

God is faithful.  GOD. IS. FAITHFUL.  He demonstrated it to us inside the sanctuary at Gateway Church last night, and He sealed it with a rainbow for everyone to see.

*Side note:  we also received some encouraging prophetic words that made faith rise in our hearts - a friend came and put her ring on my finger and told me that it was God's visual reminder to me of the authority He has given to us - that whatever mountain stands in our way, we command it to move, and it will move.  Another dear friend came over to us and said God wanted her to give us her wallet - the one she had carried as a missionary in Mexico - to symbolize God's blessing on us. That whether the wallet was full or empty, we would not live under a spirit of lack.  We will lack no good thing.  She prayed heaven down on us.

God sees your needs.  But He waits for you to ask.  I don't totally know why He does it that way, but I think it has something to do with humbling yourself and pushing your pride away.  He always lifts up the humble.  When I have lain humbly before Him, He has always come to my aid.  ALWAYS!

What do you need?  Tell God about it.  Ask Him to provide for you, and keep asking.  Be on the watch for how He is coming to meet your needs!

Lord, I pray for all my friends reading this today.  I ask you to come to their rescue and pour out your provision on their lives, their families and their finances.  Meet them in their need and show your goodness.  You are GOOD, God!  Thank you for demonstrating your goodness and faithfulness to your children!!!  Amen!!!

(Thanks to Ryan Boles for the pic...that I borrowed from Facebook...)

Monday, August 6, 2012

Check out Grace For Moms Today!

Hey friends!  I have a post over at Grace For Moms today....about grace!  Click here to check it out and leave your thoughts!


Friday, July 13, 2012

Before You Lose It...

Hey, crazy lady!  Yeah, you - the mom with a kid on your hip, food stuck to your pants and total chaos going on around you.  I have something important to tell you, so listen up.  Are you listening?

You're a great mom.

Your kids are so blessed to have you as their mommy.

They can't thank you or appreciate all that you do for them, but you are loved and appreciated today.

I don't know about you, but I find myself up against my breaking-point way too often.  Kids have a way of getting under your skin and dancing on your last nerve...and dancing, and dancing, and dancing...  (Side note: maybe I shouldn't be shelling out all this extra $$$ for dance classes?)

In those moments when you're just about to blow up, stop for a moment and allow yourself to simmer down.  Call out to the Lord to help you and He certainly will!  Five steps to "getting it back" when you think you're about to lose it:

1. Stop.  Don't keep driving up the ramp of insanity.  Just stop where you are.

2. Breathe in, breathe out.  Repeat many times until you feel the emotion subside.

3. Refocus your mind on the big picture, not the irritating behavior.  The Bible says it like this:  "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."  Col. 3:2 (NLT)

4.  Speak life to your kiddos when you correct them.  Don't let hellfire and brimstone be the point of your discipline - instead, point out the wrong or annoying behavior, apply any consequences, and find a way to end the correction with life-giving words.  (i.e. encouragement, praise, a pep talk/rally cry)

5.  Ask the Holy Spirit to parent your children.  He will help you and give you supernatural ideas, words and wisdom for each situation when you invite Him into it.

You can do it, mama!  You're awesome!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

The 5 S's Every Babymama Should Know

I was a psycho first-time mom.  And I had a very fussy, colicky baby girl.  I tried everything I knew to appease her, but nothing worked like "The Five S's" from Dr. Harvey Karp's book Happiest Baby On The Block.  If you have an infant, then you NEED these mommy weapons in your arsenal:

1.  Swaddling - infants don't have enough control to manage their flailing limbs, and when they are flailing, they are afraid.  Keep baby swaddled when it's time to sleep and time to be calm.  Need a tutorial?  Click here.

2.  Side/stomach position - babies don't like being on their backs!  A baby will feel much more secure when you position him on his side or stomach.  Although I personally was fine with my babies sleeping on their tummies (once they could move their heads around pretty well), you don't have to do that if it makes you feel uncomfortable.  The best time to use the side/stomach position as a soothing element is when baby is in your arms.  The book actually goes into great detail and was such a help to me.

3.  Shushing - your sweet baby spent a VERY long time inside your womb where it was NOISY!  Your baby was comforted by the sounds of mommy all around her - and now, those same sounds will still soothe her.  What a baby heard in your womb is like static-y white noise (from blood rushing, organs functioning, amniotic fluid sloshing her around).  So, making a shhhhhh sound with your mouth is actually a soothing sound to baby's ears.

4.  Swinging - your infant was accustomed to the swaying motion of your body for 40(ish) weeks, so being still is very disturbing to him.  Swinging him in your arms will feel familiar and soothing to him.

5.  Sucking - this is such an intrinsic thing - and it helps trigger the calming reflex.  Why do you think pacifiers were invented?!  Don't be afraid to let your baby suck on a paci - if you skip the paci, they will just want to suck on YOU all the time.  Some babies find their thumbs or other fingers to suck on very early, while others never do.  You can decide how best to train your own child, but just know that sucking is a NEED for infants.

Now....when you start combining some of these S' start to enter the realm of Baby Whisperer.  I remember the first time I was able to calm my baby girl out of a full-blown screamfest using several of the S's at the same time.  I felt like I had just climbed Mt. Everest!  Next time your baby is stuck in fuss-mode, whip out two or three of these miraculous S's and see what happens!

Saturday, March 31, 2012


It's late at night, nothing good on TV, so I thought I might do a little writing.  "You know," I said to myself, "what the world really needs is another good manifesto."  Sounded like a good idea at the time.

So, it got me thinking...what would my own personal manifesto be about?  This is what I came up with.

This is my manifesto:

I am God's cherished daughter.  No one can convince me otherwise.  I have been placed on this planet at this distinct point in history to carry the light of God like no other person on earth ever has before.  I am saved by God's grace and washed by the blood of Jesus, so I am free from the curse of sin and shame.  I am free to stand up to my full height and be who I really am.  I bear the resemblance of my heavenly Father and I represent Him to everyone I meet.  I am fierce.  I am fearless.  I am gentle and gracious.  I am full of the Holy Spirit and He lives and moves in me to make me more than I am on my own.

I have a design, a purpose and a mission.  I will use all of my breath to bring honor and glory to my God.  I will praise Him in the midst of fiery trials.  I will counter worry and anxiety with thankfulness.  I will deflect the enemy's lies with the words of life the Spirit has planted in the good soil of my heart.  I will do great things!  I will make an impact, an imprint on this generation.  I will take back ground from the enemy and claim it for God's Kingdom - even if by force.  I will pray until I have no words, no groans, no breath.  I will bring together the hands of those in darkness with the Hand of Light itself.

Naysayers can take a seat.  I have no time for negativity.  I have no room for all the reasons why I can't accomplish something.  I am filling my round table with visionaries, cheerleaders, wise elders and faith-filled God-followers.  I will reach my goals and accomplish what is in my heart.  Even if everyone else tells me it is impossible, I know that NOTHING is impossible with God.

Life is too fleeting to waste today.  Planning is important, but it must come to a timely end so the doing can begin.  I jump toward beginning.  Walking with the Spirit, I will lead the way for others to follow.  I will be the catalyst, the guinea pig, the first to jump.  I am not ashamed of the Gospel, and I will make myself completely comfortable being a "fool" for the advancement of God's Kingdom - one precious life at a time.

The unchangeable, unshakeable God is alive in me!  I will not be swayed by the currents of my culture or the lies whispered in the dark.  God's love is coursing through my veins and it drives me to embrace people where they are, no matter who they are.

This is my manifesto.  You can use it, too...but I'm curious if you already have one of your own.  Do you???


Saturday, February 25, 2012

Other Blogs I Follow and Why

There are SOOOOOO many blogs out there in the blog-o-sphere!  Most of them are just trash.  (I like to call them "rubbish", though.  It sounds so proper.)  But there are also a lot of good ones, and even some GREAT ones that can make a positive impact on your life.  Here are some of my favorites and why.

In the Christian Living/Freedom category, I would recommend:

Changing My Mind, Alan Smith

Pastor Alan Smith is Pastor of Freedom Ministries at Gateway Church (where I am a member), and he is one of the best teachers I have ever listened to.  His blog reads just like he speaks, and he opens up the Bible like few I have heard before.  I love how he brings such revelation - things I have read hundreds of times in the Word will suddenly come alive, as if I had never read them before!  You will take away huge treasures chests of spiritual gold if you visit his blog regularly.  You should also check out the book he just published, called Unveiled: The Transforming Power of God's Presence and Voice.  You can order it from his blog and also from

Thinking Differently, Bob Hamp

Bob Hamp is another pastor at Gateway Church.  He was "the Freedom Guy" for a long time, and still is, but has recently taken on a broader scope of pastoring.  He is another teacher of the Word who brings God's truths to life in a refreshingly amazing way.  Bob is very good at rooting out the holds of "old time religion" - or the SPIRIT of religion - and showing God's blueprint for the way things were intended to be.  My life has been transformed over the past several years sitting under his teaching.  I hope you'll take the time to check out what he has to say.  He also has a great book that you should own:  Think Differently Live Differently.  It is available from his blog and also on

For Beauty/Artistry/Faith, my favorite is:

Ann Voskamp's A Holy Experience

Ann Voskamp is the author of One Thousand Gifts, which is stirring up soul-dust in me right now.  Her way of communicating is artistry to the core and I love it.  Her blog is like a continuation of her book, and it is just as precious and just as consuming.  Please take the time to visit and read - it will open the windows in your heart and usher in a much-needed breath of fresh air.

In the Food/Health/Natural Home category, I like:

Renaissance Mama

Sarah Falk is a friend of mine, but I had no idea about this part of her life until recently!  She has great articles about clean, organic eating and is a super sleuth at finding and posting coupons for organic grocery items.  I have learned a lot from reading her articles!  If you're making changes in your diet to include more natural food and to eliminate chemicals and GMO's, you'll benefit from reading what Sarah has to say.

The Mommypotamus

Heather, The Mommypotamus, has an extensive website with information on every topic related to earthy/organic  motherhood, womanhood and parenting that you could ever wish for!  She posts great recipes for natural/clean foods, along with craft tutorials, natural health remedies, DIY "clean" body products and so much more.  I love reading her posts and perusing through her photography.  She has taught me a lot on my journey to health and wellness for my own family.  You'll love her!

Food Renegade

Another "earth mama" blog, but I really like this one for its balance.  The mom behind Food Renegade is a red meat eater (like me), but she's all about unprocessed, whole, natural, local, full-fat, unpasteurized goodness.  Great recipes - including a fun weekly-run spot called "Fight Back Fridays" where subscribers can post their favorite whole foods recipes.  Lots o' goodies tucked away at Food Renegade!

In the Humor & Amusement category, I choose:

Stuff Christians Like by Jon Acuff

Funny, thirtysomething church dude who writes hilarious posts about church-dom.  Sometimes super corny, but sometimes side-splittingly funny!  And he includes "Serious Wednesday" and "Guest Post Friday" spots each week.  Besides writing his deep thoughts in blog form, he has also written a book or two, and has partnered with Hello Somebody to construct two beautiful kindergartens in a poor region of Vietnam.  Comedian, reluctant pastor to 'the internets', visionary, author and thinker - you gotta read this guy!


Raw, funny and poignant, Glennon writes about her life as a mom.  She is on a faith journey - and although I don't agree with everything she says, I really appreciate her honest journey.  Mom humor, life humor and a gut-wrenching sob now and then.  Great blog to enjoy with a glass of peach iced tea and the baby monitor turned way down.

So, those are mine...what are your favorites?  Do tell!!!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

More to Life...

Ahhh, a clean house.  Most of the time, I feel like I'm dreaming "the impossible dream" like Don Quixote, Man of La Mancha....only in terms of the tidiness of my abode.

When I had little babies, I couldn't keep things clean because I was preoccupied with, well, my BABIES.  Diapers, feedings, nap schedule, colic, developmental milestones, reading to her, singing to him, praying over them...  If there were any moments in the day to myself, I was out like a light.  Zzzzzzzzz.....

And, honestly, it hasn't slowed down as the kids have grown.  Now, they just contribute to more messes and the undoing of all that is good and holy.  (Actually, maybe just what is clean.)  We teach them how to pick up toys and put them away, and we oversee periodic bouts of hurry-and-clean-up-the-house before company arrives, but for some reason, things are always a mess over here.

I have learned to overlook it because I just can't get to it all.  I target certain areas - like the kitchen - and feel SO accomplished when they are in order and disinfected.  (I do love me some Clorox wipes.)  But, once that part is done, I turn around to Tornado Alley in the rest of my house!  Honestly, it's extremely discouraging to this mama.

Here's the sticking point:  my sweet husband NEEDS things to be clean.  He can't rest in a mess.  And I don't blame him.  Cleaning the house has been a big issue in our relationship over the years because of his deep, foundational issue with clutter and junkiness making him psycho.  Sometimes we will stay up riDONKulously late at night to watch the show Hoarders on TLC.  Good God - it's amazing.  In a bad way.  But now, I'm thinking he might turn it on with ulterior motives.  Every time I see that show, I get the sudden urge to throw things out and bleach all non-porous surfaces.  I think I can see what's happening here...

There are days when I cook an amazing, gourmet meal and we really enjoy it.  But the house isn't clean.  There are days when I get all dolled up and look really good for my man.  But the house isn't clean.  And on days when I really try to clean the house, there is no dinner and I look like a hot mess.  I'm very tempted to ask him which of the three he wants, because he just can't have all of them.  (That's my sassiness talking.)

Well, here's where I am:  I want to make a comfortable, inviting home for my family.  I realize the importance of a clean house.  I understand that the responsibility falls to me, and if I don't do it, it will most likely not EVER get done.  I also know that the hours I spend meticulously deep-cleaning things can be wasted hours if I am chasing a mirage.  I need to be realistic with my expectations - my kids are KIDS and they are messy.  I am training them and working with them, but training is messy.  Kids "in training" are not perfect and cannot meet my lofty ideals of cleanliness.  How do I reconcile the pull from my husband's desires and the reality of my messy kids?  Really, how?  I'm asking you.  :)  No, I'm really not asking you....

I am taking it day by day, attuning myself to my husband.  If he's having a difficult day or string of days, I try very hard to have things in order.  I push harder to have the house clean when he comes home from work.  If I am having a difficult day, I don't sweat the clutter as much.  I know that striving for perfection will KILL - I have tried to achieve perfection for too many years of my life, and I'm just about done with it.  I make sure we have clean dishes, clean underwear and decently clean living areas, but kids' rooms, playroom, laundry, closets, office, etc. are done on an "as needed" basis.  That's just how it is right now.

The thing I am really trying to communicate to Mr. Clean is that I love him, I understand his desire for a clean house, and I am doing everything in my power to honor him in that way.  And maybe my overlooking things for the sake of reality has rubbed off on him a bit...

There really is more to life than a clean house.  Just don't tell that to a hoarder.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Expect the Unexpected

I have been reliving my recent trip to west Africa as I look through all the pictures my husband just finished.  He was the "official" photographer on the mission trip we were a part of, so he has over 9,000 shots from the span of 10 days!  And let me tell you, I am so glad.  It is amazing to be able to look at a picture and recall the feeling of the sweat dripping down your face, the gritty dirt in your shoes, the smells that only Africa can produce...

And the unexpected friendships.

One of my favorite days on the trip included a bus ride out of town to a real-live African village - mud walls, grass roofs and all - where we just got to be with the people.  We rode into their village in a rumbly, European 4-cylinder van not knowing what to expect.  A whole bunch of whiteys piling out of a vehicle is a little strange in an outlying village in Sierra Leone, and some of these villagers had never seen white skin before.  Thankfully, before this visit, the local Fresh Hope Ministries team had begun a relationship with them and arranged this particular day of meeting.  We were bringing them a water filtration rig so that they could have clean drinking water for the first time EVER.  Clean water opens many doors of opportunity in countries outside America, my friends.

There was a big ceremonial meeting in the center building - everybody showed up.  Men and women, children, babies attached to their mothers' breasts, dogs, chickens, what have you.  It was quite a spectacle. Actually, I think WE were the spectacle.

As the talking and interpreting dragged on, I began to notice faces, demeanors, body language.  There were a few women outside of the open-air pavilion sitting on a log.  One was a little older - hard to tell ages on their weary, lined faces.  I had assumed she was in her late 50's or early 60's, but the missionaries told me she was probably much younger.  The life expectancy in Sierra Leone is 48, if that tells you anything.

She seemed quiet.  Pensive.  Withdrawn.  My heart leaped toward her.  I got the impression that she was not the favored one, but that she had great beauty hidden inside.

Our afternoon went on:  teach the people how to use the water filters and take care of them, laugh and play with the children, take pictures and show the people...receive hilarious laughter as they see themselves in the displays of our cameras.  And I still see that one woman off to the side.

I go talk to her.  English to Mende.  Sweaty white girl to skeptical Sierra Leonean matriarch.  She smiles at me, we exchange names.  I say hers all wrong.  Adama.  No, AdamAH.  She laughs at me and flashes the most beautiful smile.  Then she tentatively reaches up to wipe the ridiculous beads of sweat off the apples of my cheeks.  And she laughs at the whole situation again.

We ended up praying for the sick people there in the village.  It kind of just erupted without any particularly organized cue from anyone.  A woman brought her toddler son over to me and tried to explain in Krio what was wrong with him.  I prayed.  All of a sudden, I was surrounded by mothers bringing their children for prayer!  I was engulfed in the sounds of Krio, Mende and a few strings of broken English, but I prayed for them all.  It was exhilarating - like I was born for this, or something.  Tummy troubles were healed, headaches dissipated and more than we'll ever know went on during that spontaneous bubble of ministry.

Then it was time to walk down to the river and see their water supply.  Our whole team and all the villagers set off on a quarter-mile hike down the dirt road to the river together.  I saw Adamah as we were passing the last building before the road and I called out to her.  I held out my hand to her, inviting her to come with us.  She looked at me a little sideways, not sure, but she came over and took my hand.  We walked the whole way like that.  No common language, not many common experiences, but friendship we both understood.  She became my friend.

That was one of the sweetest walks I have ever taken - hand in hand, deep brown skin to my pasty white, the cords of friendship entwining us together, and - I pray - the presence of the Holy Spirit extended from my heart, healing hers.

That day ended all too soon, even though I was weary and spent in every way.

Well, it just so happened that we were slated to return to that same village!  We came back the next night with a generator, a large white drape and some poles....and the Jesus Film in Krio.  What an experience!  All the people in the village were excited to see us again and they ran up to the van as soon as we pulled in.  Everyone was busy unloading gear and getting set up, when a village woman grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the side shouting "Adamah!  Adamah!"  She took me straight to Adamah and sat me down beside her on a bench so we could watch the movie together.  Adamah smiled with that amazing smile as soon as she saw me.  Her face lit up and she grabbed my hand.  And while I was taking in the sweetness of that moment, I got sardined in the middle of the makeshift bench with about 6 other village women.  Up close and personal, let me tell ya.  At that point in the trip, my deodorant had given up the ghost, so I just fit right in.

There's so much more I could tell you about that night.  The expressions on the faces as they drank in the life of Jesus on film.  The people who stayed out - even when it started raining - and wanted to give their hearts to Jesus.  The divine appointments.  The 23 wet people crammed into a 4-cylinder Euro van that clearly states: 16 passenger maximum.  Riding in said Euro van as we traverse a wet, muddy road and attempt to cross a river on a shifty and somewhat hidden log bridge....

But the main thing I am treasuring from that whole overwhelming experience is the wonder of friendship in a very unexpected place.  God, watch over Adamah, my padi.  (pah-DEE - "friend" in Krio)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Ode to Unwanted Hair

I look in the mirror and stare
At those nasty little out-of-place hairs.
I pluck and I tweeze and I curse and I sneeze
But tomorrow, I know they'll be there.

I invest in the whole line of Nair
And I strategically plan what I wear.
I wax on, I wax off (hairless friends, please don't scoff -
This is reason enough to despair.)

I only do it because I care.
I refuse to look like a bear.
Fingers and toes, upper lip, chin and nose -
Now really, why IS hair THERE?

Fuzzy abdomen or derriere,
Fuzzy ANYTHING, I swear -
Unless it's a sweater, when fuzzier is better -
Will be smooth and pristine, I declare!

Oh, I'll get you, you little gremlin hairs,
Just you wait.  Be scared!
By cream or by laser, by wax or by razor,
You're through!  Toodle-oo!  So, there.

(Don't get me started on the gray ones...)

Monday, January 9, 2012

Tips Appreciated

One of these days I'm going to patent the most amazing mom-product EVER.  I need a name for it, but basically, it's a soundproof privacy glass (limousine-style) that can be installed in any mom-mobile.  I have come to the conclusion that it would be much better for my health if I could shut off the precious voices of my children's whining, bickering and yelling in the backseat.  What better solution than to raise a clear, SOUNDPROOF barrier between me and them?!

I think I'm a genius.

And, since our rides will seem more limo-style with the glass up all the time, I'm going to tell the kids to bring their loose change, because chauffers generally appreciate the tips.

Maybe I'll get a hat to make it all official.